Hi there! Thanks for visiting my blog. I don't post here anymore, but I keep it up because some really wonderful and memorable things happened on here. I have a new and improved online home at www.susansanellihammack.com Please come visit me over there!

Nepal 2014 - Did you wonder why I hadn't really posted about it yet?

Me elated at the response to the fundraising auction.

Last February over a hundred of you overwhelmed me with your support when you helped me raise the funds to attend a two week expressive arts work/study with survivors of human trafficking in Nepal. I was so amazed by the sense of community that I wanted to bring you all along with me by sharing my story with you in real time.

When I got there, limited free time, wi-fi, energy, and electricity made it difficult to post so I told myself that would be one of the first things I did when I got home. Then of course, when I got home I was exhausted and backlogged on a million things and before I knew it two months had passed.

But the truth is, I needed time. And it wasn't, as I think you might assume, because meeting trafficking survivors was so traumatic. It was difficult at times but also joyful. It was more about everything all together - a long voyage, a new culture, new people, intense activity, and me meeting my physical and emotional edge over and over again. It was a lot to process.

A butterfly streamer I brought home from Nepal.

Surprisingly, the most difficult thing for me was how upset I was about the things I had learned about myself. And that seemed so self absorbed to me that I became even more upset with myself and felt like I had to either share something that was humiliating to me or give you the story you expected. I couldn't figure out how to frame my struggles in a way that didn't make this all about me and was positive. I want this to be about what is happening to women and children in the world and how much they need our support. And then I got these lab results.

Adrenal labs. Green is optimal. Light blue is normal. Black line is me.

I knew I had adrenal fatigue before I went. It's something I have struggled with for years, but these labs are the lowest I have seen. This means I am exhausted most of the time without even doing a single thing and have difficulty processing physical and emotional stress. And this trip was both for me at every turn: it was very hot, I was sick half of the time, there was a lot of stimulation in the form of wild traffic, barking dogs, lots of colors and patterns, disfigured beggars, long hours of emotionally rigorous expressive arts activities, constant social interaction, making connections with people that we had to say emotional goodbyes to at the end of the day, long walking tours, lots of stairs...and frankly, it was all pretty hard for me. And then there was how I responded to hard things. Sometimes I withdrew to my room and watched TV on my ipad and felt totally numb. Sometimes I broke down in tears and didn't think I could deal. Once I lost it so much in the training that I could barely speak. After that incident I actually washed all of my clothes, neatly packed them, went to bed and dreamed that I flew home. I didn't know how to tell you this without thinking I was disappointing you by not giving you the uplifting story I wanted to tell. And I couldn't bring myself to candy coat it or give you a distant recollection of facts with pithy little statements thrown in for effect.

And then I realized this: even though I feel like garbage most of the time, and my capacity has been drastically reduced - I still went. I went because I believed I was meant to go and the speed at which I was ushered onto the team and raised 6K confirmed this to me, especially since my family is in the midst of a difficult time financially and we were not able to use any of our own money for the trip. And even though it was meant for me to experience it did not mean it was going to be all magical all the time, or even most of the time. It was meant for me and it was tough. I showed up anyway. That is the uplifting story. That was how I could inspire you and not bring you down with me complaining about how hard everything was. Because if I could do this, then you can volunteer at that local shelter you've been thinking about or take your own voyage into adventure.

Now that I can see how sharing my experience might benefit you and not just be me unloading a bunch of dung, now I can tell you my story. Which I will begin with the next post because I'm tired and need to stop now.

COMING SOON....PART 2...STAY TUNED

Somehow I disabled comments on the blog and don't know how to fix it, so if you want to interact with me, Facebook works well and so does e-mail smshammack[at]gmail[dot]com.

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New Podcast

NEW - FREE PODCAST!!!  
EPISODE 1: CONVERSATION WITH STEPHANIE GAGOS GOES LIVE 3/21/14!!

Have you wanted to work as a healer but questioned if you were ready or enough?

Do you wish you knew more about working with survivors of sexual assault and human trafficking and what sorts of things you might do to equip yourself?

Have you wondered how you would handle hearing survivors' stories?

I recorded this podcast for you!!

(Actually I recorded it for me, to help me mentally prepare for an upcoming expressive arts work study with survivors of human trafficking. But I am happy to share it with you.)

Listen in as I have conversations with healers experienced with working with sexual assault survivors.

Hear their stories about:

• How they got involved and how their work has evolved
• How they handle triggering
• What their greatest lessons from this experience has been
• What they would say to someone who is interested but reluctant

I'm offering them for FREE because I know there are people out there who need it. My hope is that more of us would step forward to serve in this way as a result of listening. I also realize this isn't my usual fare, and the subject is of a sensitive nature, so I'm giving it it's own page (called "Podcast") and offering a separate subscription list below.

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I hope you will join us!

Put A Bid On It!

In my last post, I shared that I had been accepted to participate in an expressive arts work/study working with survivors of human trafficking in Nepal. A dream come true for me to use my God-given gifts to serve others, particularly vulnerable women and children.

Part of making this dream a reality for me is that I decided to raise funds with an online silent auction. I'm very excited to announce that my "Put a Bid On It" Nepal Benefit Auction is up and running! In fact, it is BLOWING UP!!

Due to the great generosity of my extended network of friends and colleagues, I have been able to list over 60 items and have already raised over $3000!! I've been so busy I hadn't even had a chance to write to you about it here.

The most beautiful part of this is that so many people have come forward, from all different backgrounds and faiths and joined with me in this effort. I am feeling very blessed and sense all of you behind me. Thank you for that.

Some of the items still up for grabs:

Melody Ross's latest e-course: The Walk

Normally a $99 value, bids starting at just $45!!

Health and Wellness Assessment with Daniel Sanelli of Primo Health Coach 

includes custom health plan and more - normally $99 bids start at $45!!

Bliss Goddess - Chakra Spray Set

Retail $160 Bids Start at $54

These items and many more are available at the auction site 

http://www.32auctions.com/putabidonit

There are several ways you can help me make this auction a success 

and this trip a reality:

1. Consider donating a product or service, I can STILL list items!! This auction has had thousands of page views. This would be a great way for you to promote your business while supporting a great cause.
2. Reach out to anyone you think might be willing to donate something, especially if you know someone with a following that would draw a crowd. You MUST know SOMEONE! :)
3. "Put a Bid On It" - take a look at the offerings and see if there is something you might like for yourself or a loved one. Here's the link again http://www.32auctions.com/putabidonit.
4. Don't feel like buying anything? There's also a donate button on the auction's front page.
5. Spread the word! Do you know anyone with a heart for survivors of trafficking? Someone interested in the arts or healing? Someone who like to make dreams come true and make the world a better place? Send 'em over!
6. Last but not least, PRAY. I know that if it's meant to be, it will happen, but I still believe in the power of prayer.

A picture from last year's program. Help me get there!!

Thank you for reading and joining me in this quest. I leave you with a quote from a great woman of faith, who made a tremendous difference in the lives of many ... 

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. 

Always remember, 

you have within you 

the strength, the patience, and the passion 

to reach for the stars 

to change the world.

Harriet Tubman

Work/Study in Nepal and How You Can Help

Dear friends and family,

A few weeks ago I ecstatically made the announcement that I was invited to join an expressive arts work/study program in Nepal. I was floored by the amount of love, and encouragement that poured in. I really had no idea that I was seen and supported by so many and am so very grateful that you took the time to connect with me. Many have come forward and asked for more information about the trip as well as inquiring about how they can partake of this experience with me. I would love to share this information with you now.

But first, a little back story…

painting by me 1996

I have lived long enough to know that we have all seen dark days. Times when our pain overshadowed our hope and joy. Just like you, I am no stranger to suffering.  And at the darkest of times I have received the greatest of blessings. Of course, it’s a process, like the transformation that coal undergoes under vast amounts of pressure over time. And it looks different for all of us, but for me, my process of working through pain and troubles has always involved a few things - conversations, prayer, and creative expression. This is actually how I came to be an artist. I was driven to express feelings that I could put no words to and found release there. 

Ever since I discovered what a powerful tool the arts are for me, I have been wanting to share it with others through sharing my own expressions - my art, and leading women and children in the art-making process. Wanting to learn expressive arts therapy is a natural progression of this.

I have also asked myself who needs this the most? Traumatized individuals. The terminally ill. Those who have been abused and neglected. Survivors of human trafficking. So when I saw the opportunity to learn art FROM survivors of human trafficking, I flipped my lid!! Imagine my excitement when I got the news that my application had been accepted!

The Deets…

from last year's trip, photo by Jenna

Here’s what I know so far about the experience from http://www.harambeearts.org/download/TraveltoNepal.html

May 24 - June 7 2014, I will be participating in a unique expressive arts therapy work/study program led by Harambee Arts, a non-profit organization that partners with grassroots programs in Africa and Nepal in the training of local caregivers to provide healing art programs for vulnerable women and children. 

During our two-week stay, we will be lodging in a charming guesthouse in Boudhanath located on the grounds of a Tibetan Monastery, in Kathmandu, Nepal. The first week of the program we will be trained in the Harambee Arts methodology by survivors of trafficking and their support staff. During the second week, we will work directly with Nepali girls in safe houses as well as other groups which may include orphans, and children with cancer or disabilities. 

The training covers key elements of practice, including:

• How to introduce the work effectively in crisis situations with diverse populations

• Best practices in creating a safe space for participants to heal, especially when they have no sense of safety

• Creating community to allow everyone to be heard and valued

• Using multiple art forms - including dance/movement, visual arts, storytelling, and drama - as transformative healing modalities

• Strategies for planning, organizing, communicating and creating effective workshops and interventions.

Much of this activity will be very emotionally intense, so in between we will go for hikes, shopping, and visit sites of cultural interest.

How this trip will help me further my goals…

After my return from Nepal, I will apply my new knowledge and experience in my volunteer work at a local safe house. Between now and when I depart for the work/study program, I will undergo a 40 hour volunteer training with Freedom House, a local non-profit organization with two safe houses in the bay area that provide survivors of human-trafficking with long-term aftercare. I believe the combination of these two experiences will provide me with the tools I need to do this work. Beyond serving trafficked individuals, I will also be able to conduct one-on-one interventions and create workshops and retreats applying expressive arts as a healing tool for enrichment and personal growth.

Where you come in…

As you can imagine, this is an ambitious undertaking. I could really use all the support I can get. There are several ways you can participate:

PRAY - pray that I will be able to raise all of the funds necessary (approx $4500) by March 31st, that I will be able to work out all of the details (particularly the visa and child care), that I (and all other participants) will be physically and emotionally strong in the face of the rigors of this trip, for the safety of all involved, and that we would all be teachable in spirit and return with greater compassion and hope.

SIGN UP FOR MY NEWSLETTER - as much as possible I will be documenting this journey and would love for you all to come along. If you sign up for my newsletter you will automatically be e-mailed any updates.

DONATE - if you feel called to give just click the paypal button below. No amount is too small. Everything helps. Also, if you would like to donate an art piece or a product or service, I will be holding a fundraising auction in the next few weeks.  Please e-mail at smshammack[at]gmail[dot]com or FB message me and let me know 1. what you are wanting to donate 2. a picture of the item 3. a minimum bid 4.your contact information (this will not be published but will be provided to the winner).

SHARE - please feel free to share this information with anyone you feel might be interested. You'll find some snazzy buttons below so you can share this on twitter, facbook, pinterest, or in an e-mail. The more we spread the word the better!

Finally, I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being part of my support team. I couldn’t do this without you!!

Giveaway Time!!

Ever since my own profound experience of healing through artmaking, I have been deeply interested in continuing to learn and explore ways to use the creative process to restore our spirits. Melody Ross has long been a source of ideas and  inspiration to me in this area. That's why I was so excited when she announced her new course Soul Comfort.

Soul Comfort makes use of two of the best techniques I know for reflection and growth: journaling and art. But the best part about this class is that the focus is on making the projects portable, easy to jump in and out of and with minimal mess. Isn't that what we need?! I don't know about you, but I struggle to find long stretches of time to make complex pieces of art and my family is tired of me taking up the living room with all of my supplies. And yet, I still long for that nurturing creative time.

Here's what Melody has to say about it...

"One of the most wonderful things about this course is that everything fits into one fabric tote bag . . . I wanted to create a whole course where all of the supplies fit into a tiny space so that you could take it everywhere you go…so that you could do it sitting on your bed, on your couch, with your family, do it with your children, in the car, wherever your day takes you. It’s incredible. This has changed my life. This has been something that I have used on my own and I can’t wait to share it with you.”

Because I believe that you NEED to take this time for yourself and your creativity, ESPECIALLY when you are busy, I am honored to be offering a FREE spot in this course. 

How Susan? How do I enter?

It's easy! Just leave a comment below answering the following question:

Why do you think women have a hard time with self care? And how do you think this Brave Girl class might help you get through the holiday season?

See? Nothing to it. GOOD LUCK!!

Giveaway closes Monday September 23rd at Noon PST. The winner will be chosen at random and announced on this blog by 3pm PST. Soul Comfort eCourse begins September 24th. 

Comments for this giveaway are now closed.

And the winner is...................

Carrie Lynne

Congatulations Carrie! Brave Girls will contact you shortly regarding your registration. Enjoy Soul Comfort!!

Helping children deal with loss

Friday night Willow died. She was my twelve year old daughter's pet dwarf hampster. We had only had her for six months, and she was just the tiniest little bit of life, but in that short time she had charmed us with her shiny black eyes, her curiously twitching whiskers, and her endearing poofiness. We squealed with delight whenever she groomed herself by rubbing her tiny hands in circles on her face. We were grossed out and amazed simultaneously when she would stuff her cheeks with seeds only to spit them out in our unsuspecting hands later. Of course, no one took to her like my twelve year old because she was hers to enjoy and care for and I'm proud to say that she did an excellent job.

But like all things, after a few months, the novelty wore off and Willow became just one of many components of our busy lives. We still noticed her fluffiness and laughed at her burrowing, just maybe not quite as often. And then early last week, my daughter showed me that Willow didn't have her usual spunk. At that moment, of course, she became the center of our attention. There soon followed a flurry of web searches, sterilizing her environment, neosporin, coconut water, anything we could think of to help her to get well. And she did, for a few days. She ran in her wheel again and up and down her tunnels until Friday, when we noticed her still form and thought, she's sleeping...no...she's dying.

We spent the next hour or two huddled on the couch with Willow in our hands, just watching her breath. In and out. Knowing each time that it could be her last. In and out. We each held her until our hands ached. In and out. Finally, we put her in a box with some bedding and held the box on our laps. Every once in a while the silence was broken by a few tears, or the inevitable "Why?" and the painful, "Is this my fault?" and of course the "If only...". After some hastily eaten Chinese food (who has time to cook dinner in an emergency situation like this?) it was time to go to bed. My daughter kept a vigil until her eyelids were too heavy to keep open and she made her way to bed. By morning, Willow had taken her last breath.

These are very tender moments in a child's life and I would hope that all parents would realize that a child's bond with a pet is very real and would respect it as such. But I would also hope that they would recognize it as a unique opportunity to model for their child a dignity surrounding death and therefore a deep respect for life. That they would realize that how a child deals with the death of a pet can prepare them to deal with the death of family members. It creates a culture around death, life, and connections.

I think of my own experiences with death as a child, waiting in the car as my mother went into the hospital to see a dying aunt so as to protect me from seeing her wasting form. They didn't want to frighten me. Adults whispering the names of ailments and the conditions of various elderly family members. Basically, I remember being removed from the process of death and dying and I remember being afraid.

When my cat of fourteen years, Amber, began to die my daughter's were five and nine. I set her up a little bed on the living room love seat and fed her by hand. I carried her to the litter box several times a day and I thought, "I want my children to see me caring for living things. I want them to see me drawing near to beings who are suffering rather than turning away." And they followed suit. They approached her with curiosity and respect. And after a glorious afternoon of one last bask in the warm sun, I brought Amber in to die. I had been so attentive to her decline that I somehow knew she was taking her final breaths. I wrapped her in a towel (because she was having involuntary bowel movements) held her in my arms and told the girls to say goodbye. I didn't tell them what to do or how to do it, they just began to sing. I don't even remember what song it was. I just remember my heart splitting open at how beautifully they were expressing their gratitude to her for being in our lives and I thought, why can't it be this way when people die? Why do we pay so many people to do everything for us and then show up in black clothes and choke back our tears? Why do we mutter cliché statements like "I'm sorry for your loss" which, while they may be sincere belie the things we really want to say that might take an afternoon over coffee or several pages of handwritten correspondence? It's like we're emotionally constipated. And if we do death so poorly, are we doing life poorly as well?

We dug graves for both Amber and Willow. I dug the one for Amber myself and the clay soil was tiresome to break through, but I found that having something to do, doing the burial rather than just watching someone else do it, was therapeutic for me. It gave me time to process and grieve and a place to put my energy. Amber was bid goodbye by one of my children reading a letter she had written to her, thanking her for being such a good pet, and Willow was remembered for all of the things she did to endear herself to us. She was buried with a little heart-shaped card with her name handwritten on it, a makeshift blanket, and precious bits of crystal and abalone. There was journaling and a few pictures taken and quiet and space.

Of course, when we lose a pet, I am sad to see my children cry and miss the pets too, but I am grateful every time to show them a different way. A way that normalizes death and lessens the fear. A way that finds beauty and gratitude even in the midst of pain. Maybe if enough of us do this, we can change the culture of dying back to one that is more alive.